Successful Fishing: The mysterious "e" Factor.
There has always been a strange, and to this day, unsolved mysterious theory in the fishing world.
My wife knows of this theory and she thinks I am crazy, paranoid, and maybe even a little hard up.
The theory is based on secrets that have been held by a small but priveleged group of men, who have sworn secrecy and taken blood oaths, in order to keep the modern societies from crumbling.
I reveal this secret at great peril and with no apparent regard to the ramifications that may take place, out of an act of final frustration.
I am tired of getting outfished by my wife!!
I see you there, looking puzzled and confused--but let me explain.
I first started noticing, what I will call the "e" factor-- back in 1976.
Fishing for Brown trout in the Eastern Sierras of California, I always did relatively well, catching numerous 19 and 20 inch fish. My, then girlfriend and soon to be wife, would join me on fishing/camping trips and always seemed content to let her man "bring home the bacon". I would arrive back at fish camp and proudly display to her my ability to be a "provider", while she in turn would humor me with her admiration. Occasionally, she would tire of the camping scene and would ask to join me in the hunt for Browns. Confidence in tack and bolstered by her admiration, I would always say sure--figuring she wanted to witness "her man" in action.
I would catch a few fish and she would let me bait the hook and give her pointers. "Just throw it upstream a little bit, let it drift right in there---yeah there ya go- give it a little slack--let him take it innnn.... NOW SET THE HOOK!!"
Oh, she would act excited and further bolster my confidence. Now I was also a great guide and instructor!!
Then I would go back to fishing, kind of tap her on the head and say: "There, just keep doing that." She would fawn over me and I would strut cocksure back to my fishing hole. Pretty soon she would be squealing --"OOH I have another one!"
I would walk over and remove the fish, and before I could wipe my hands off she would be back in the water,and catching more fish. I am sure you can understand that this would get old after awhile....so I would then instruct her on the removal of the fish, so I could go back to "providing".
The "e" factor would now mysteriously appear.
Nada, nothing, kotonashi!! Not even a bite--for me that is. Meanwhile, the "squealfest" continued over on the little misses pole.
I would put special twists in the bait, concentrate like David Copperfield trying to bend a spoon, and toss in to the very spot I instructed her to fish in, and the results would be the same.
She would squeal and I would give her an insincere "atta girl". Of course pretty soon she would tire of catching fish, give me a bouyant- practically flipant- "Oh, I'm getting tired," and bound off back to camp leaving me to clean HER fish and haul them back to camp. I would seethe and "bear down", determined to at least catch a bigger fish--but after awhile- I would be so wound up from failure, that I would steam back to camp completely demoralized.
My" girl", would then go into damage control, and work to bring my confidence level back up, with the usual " I was soooo lucky, I've never caught fish like that before..."
Right.
Since that time, the same cause and effect has occured too many times to be a coincidence. I fish, she comes along and outfishes me.
AND--It was not just with her. If I happened to be fishing in the same boat or locale with the female species present, I would always get outfished. It got to the point where if I saw a woman or if my wife was fishing, I just resigned myself to playing cribbage or "guiding"--so to speak.
After twenty years or so of this trend,and after talking to most other fishermen, I realized this was not just happening to me. So, like unlocking the DaVinci code and after examination of years of evidence I am here to reveal the secret.
Estrogen.
Yes, the "e" factor, is the female hormone--estrogen.
What else could it be??
For centuries, wise men have known this and kept it a well guarded secret. Women will always outfish men....because of the"e" factor.You can change sides in a boat, throw your fly or bait into the same water, or sabotage her equipment--the results will always be the same, women will outfish men. Unless she fakes it. Of course a woman would never do that!!
Right.
Why do fish react to the "e" factor?
I have no idea. But some tiny little estrogen tricle charge, carries through a fishing rod,down the line and past the hook, sending some sort of message to the underwater world that makes it impossible for a fish to resist. Estrogen should be outlawed as an unfair fish attractant!!
Paranoid---my eye!!
So there you have it. What happens next is up to society.
Women may take to the sea in boats named after their men-- left tearfully at the dock.
While we men folk prepare the evening fare and tidy camp--women could be out until dark wrestling large salmonids, and complaining of the loss of good daylight.
While we complain about our spouses at "Bunco night", our ladies will be tying and trying new combinations of chenille and fur!!
...And we're not talking fashionable clothing here!!
We can't even count on menopause to level the fishing playing field anymore.Women are having estrogen replacement therapy--under the guise of better health-- to keep their fish catching superiority from diminishing!!
I know I have been irresponsible here, and like "Deep Throat" from the watergate era, may not realize the way history has been altered, but the frustration was just to great.
Why speak now??
Well... the increase in the number of women that are taking up fly fishing, and fishing in general, is getting astronomical and growing at an alarming rate. So, the only hope is to make an appeal to the more sensitive side of the female species, and ask that they back down. They need to understand that they have an unfair advantage, in the "e" factor, and we men have sooo little left....please let us have the fish!!!!
That's it...that's my appeal, and I can only hope that women everywhere will respond positively to this cry for help, and we men can brim confidently once more.
Until then, I have begun estrogen replacement therapy myself.... I'll be damned if I will continue to be outfished by my wife!!
A guys got to do, what a guys got to do....
A.J. Klott Author, writer of fishing humor,and "fly tack" peddler.A.J. writes about the people,characters and modern day events that surround the fishing world. His first book is due out in December of 2005. If you need a laugh or a fun gift, visit his website at: http://www.twoguyswithflys.com